Legal question

I doubt that you can successfully sue your siblings for the value of the care you have been providing to your mother -- this is because (generally speaking) neither they, or you, have a legal obligation to provide -- or pay for -- your mother's care.

This is in no way meant to diminish, in any way, the serious moral obligation that you and your siblings share with regard to your mother's care and well-being.

In my opinion, the best time to deal with this is before your mother passes on.

I advise that you a consult a local family law attorney for advice on determining your mother's mental status/legal competence. Doing this now will clarify your legal options and will lessen the possibility of your siblings being able to bring legal challenges after your mother's death.

If your mother is found to be legally competent -- ask her to change her will. Talk to your mother about your siblings lack of involvement in her care, tell her that you feel that dividing the house three ways is unfair, in view of your siblings attitude and behavior toward her -- and, because your providing her care has enabled her to remain in her home -- a home that she most likely would have had to sell in order to finance nursing home care for herself -- had you not been available and willing to care for her.

If your mother agrees to change her will -- the attorney who draws up the new will can advise strategies to prevent sibling hassles from taking place after your mother's passing.

If your mother is found to be legally incompetent -- the attorney can advise and assist you in becoming your mother's legal and medical decision maker -- should that be your wish -- as well providing advice regarding what, if any, options you may have with regard to your mother's current will -- especially as it pertains to the disposition of your mother's house, after her passing.

Let me know if you need more input. If not, thanks for the opportunity to assist you... Please honor my efforts by pushing the green 'Accept' button (located within this post -- above-right). Adding a bonus -- should you wish to do so -- would be warmly welcomed.

Good Luck!

Steve


Edited by Oreport on September 29 2005 at 5:24am

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Steve, Could you tell me where you got your info?
Way back, a letter in Ann Landers had a reply about this same thing. Ann Landers was in support of this. I was checking to see if it could happen. I will be my mothers power of attorney. I have to respect her wish as to all things. She tells me what happens after she dies is my business.

Customer (name blocked for privacy),

Thank you for replying.

My advice is based on 30 years experience in the social services profession -- including a five-year stint as administrator of a group home for adults with chronic mental illness.

Since you, understandably, which I respect your mother's wishes -- I take that to mean that (at least for the present) your mother is not in need of someone else to make decisions for her. If and when that time should come, her doctor(s) should be able to point you in the right direction to have yourself or someone else appointed to be her legal guardian.

You state that your mother told you that what happens after she dies is your business. I take this to mean that your mother doesn't want to hurt any of her children's feelings -- and/or she doesn't want to be in the middle of any inheritance hassles over her property -- I don't blame her.

I further take this to mean that:

1.) Your mother is unwilling to change her well at this time.

2.) At this time, there is no valid reason for your mother to have a legal guardian appointed.

If the above is true -- and remains so -- unless your siblings change their minds, there seems to be little realistic possibility of changing the probable distribution of property after your mother's demise.

That said, I urge you to not given to the temptation making your mother pay the price for your siblings selfish attitude. Do not allow yourself to become resentful toward your mother because she is dependent on you her care. Also, although I know it's hard, do not resent her for not wanting to get in the middle of all this with you and your siblings.

If inheriting the house is the primary motivation for your caring for your mother -- in my opinion, that which you dangerously close to how your siblings view the world.

Your mother is old and sick and she needs and deserves some peace and dignity along with the care which you provide her. Remember that not all the rewards for the good that we do, -- directly -- back to us. Nor do they all come to us in this life.

Let me know if you need more input. If not, thanks for the opportunity to assist you... Please honor my efforts by pushing the green 'Accept' button (located within this post -- above-right). Adding a bonus -- should you wish to do so -- would be warmly welcomed.

Good Luck!

Steve


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Steve, I was wanting the legal info. on this matter.
I was not looking for the rights and wrongs of taking this action. Or how to treat my mom. July 4th, she atempted sucide, almost died that night. I am already her conservtor. In order for her release from the hospital she had to have 24/7 care. She is bipolar, it might be dementia also. I have been pushing for the testing. Because something more is going. I am bipolar also. Very protective of her. She is changing her will by her own choice. Adding in
1) I keep the house and pay each one 100.00 a month till their half is paid for. OR 2) I get all money rebursed for fixing up the house. I also have 18 years experience as a nurse's aid.
What difference is it if you pay a nursing home, an aid to care for her or if I do. No aid in a nursing home is going to work for free. Lawn service, that was 125.00 a month. They don't work for free. I'm doing the lawn now. A bad choice on her side. She agree to let the boy next door to mow. He failed to keep his word. Up dating the bath room. I was disconnecting the sink. An old rusted pipe busted off. I'm being a plumber. I can guess what they cost.
Social life, that is on hold. I don't think a date would like to share dinner with both of us.
This is really a business deal. I'm working and I want to get paid. Just like the rest of the working folks. Why should 2 siblings benefit from my labors. When you up date a house the vaule increases. It needs work.
If I did a search on wills. Attorney's would pop up, you would also find sites that will tell you how to write a will. Common law marriages, you can find the legal info. I'm looking for the legal info on this. I checked out your Family law. Those were about attorney's running ad's.
What about business attorney's, or Elder law? I can make all kinds of phone calls, would have to do alot of talking just to find out that's not their kind of work. If I narrow the door way. I won't have to take up their time nor mine. It would be kind of nice to know what to call this that I'm after. Do you still want to try and answer this? Thanks

Greetings:

I'm very sorry for your situation, and your mother's condition. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

I would suggest filing a Petition with the court for consideration of your mother's will. In your plea, you can advise the court that you are the one who is presently caring for your mother, expending your money at this time, and request that the court allow you to have control of a portion of your mother's financial assets to assist you in your care for her.

As far as the division of assets of your mother's will is concerned, you will need to contest same. You can bring this matter to the attention of the court now so that it may be on record.

You can consult with a paralegal's office with regard to assisting you in the preparation of court documents and filing.

Note, just for your information, Family law attorneys do not deal with this type of issue. Thus, if you wish to take further legal remedies, you need to consult with a Probate attorney (dealing with the Will), or a Personal Injury/General Practice attorney (with regard to complaint for money in which to sue your siblings) who can offer you further legal advice and counsel.

I hope this helped. If you wish for further information, or, IF YOU FEEL I DID NOT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, please let me know, so that I can assist you further.

Thank you.

Bright Blessings.

Peace, Love & Happiness,

The Mystic Wave

Information provided herein is based on my 30 years experience as a legal secretary/paralegal in the State of California, with experience and knowledge in the State of Nevada, only. This information is not intended to substitute for informed professional legal advice from a practicing, licensed attorney.

Edited by TheMysticWave on September 30 2005 at 12:57pm

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Legal Secretary/Paralegal(Personal Injury, Medical & Legal Malpractice, Criminal & more)

Customer (name blocked for privacy),

I have been trying to answer your question -- and I am still willing to do so -- but in order to do that I need to know clearly, specifically and precisely what your question is. 'I am looking for legal info. On this." -- tells me nothing.

First, you wanted to know if you can sue your siblings regarding the potential inheritance of your mother's house. I told you that I didn't think suing them over this was realistic -- and that you should work toward becoming your mother's guardian if that was appropriate and necessary -- and otherwise you should ask her to change her Will.

You responded to this by telling me that you had your mother's Power of Attorney -- but you wanted to respect her wishes and her wishes (presumably in regard to her house) were that 'whatever happened after she died, was your business'.

I responded that it seemed that your mother did not wish to change her Will with regard to her house -- and, since you understandably wanted to honor her wishes, your options were limited to negotiating with your siblings.

You then tell me that your mother has changed her Will -- which now provides for your retention of the house while paying off your siblings share in monthly installments.

Since first posting your question you have twice provided additional information. In the first instance, the information substantially changed your description of your situation. In this last instance, you provided information which changes your situation entirely compared to what you presented in your original question.

Given the reasonable assumption that your mother's Will was not changed since you first posted your question here -- I am left to wonder why you would not present a more complete -- and correct -- description of your situation in the first place.

Yet you are apparently impatient and displeased with my efforts -- and with my inability to provide you with 'legal info on this'.

In spite of all this I have been patiently trying to help you -- and I am willing to continue to do so -- but, again, in order to do so I need to know clearly, specifically and precisely what your question is.

Thanks in advance.

Steve

Edited by Oreport on September 30 2005 at 1:25pm

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Mystic Wave,   Thank You for this info. It's what I was asking for. It gives me a direction to head towards.

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Steve, I am sorry about how you feel about this, and the time it has taken. My first post, I did ask if I could, and how to go about this?
I asked where you got your info? You gave me your personal back ground, none of it was legal.
Thank You for trying.